Difficult Decisions
by Dr. Michaela Quinn
Summary: Colleen decides to marry Andrew and postpone medical school despite attempts by Sully, Michaela, Matthew and even Brian. Will the family intervene if Colleen refuses to listen?
1. Chapter 1

Colleen walked into the kitchen where Sully was sitting at the table with Katie and Michaela was making dinner.

"Ma?" Colleen asked and Michaela turned to face her. "I've made a decision and I want you to know about it." She sighed. "This is not easy for me to say." Sully looked at her with gentle eyes.

"Whatever you have to say we'll understand Colleen. You can feel free to say it." She exhaled.

"I'm not going to medical school." Michaela's jaw dropped.

"What?"

"Andrew and I are getting married. I can't leave for two years. I can stay here and continue being a nurse for both of you."

"Colleen? Are you sure that's what you want to do? We've been working to get you into medical school for so long."

"I'm sure Ma. Not everybody is made for college. I'm not smart enough like some of them." Michaela took Colleen's hands in her own.

"You are smart enough Colleen. You just need to believe in yourself."

"You are just like Grandma! I don't want to do what you want and that's why you aren't happy. You'll try to force me to do what you want." She ran up the stairs.

"Colleen!" Michaela called after her. Sully stood up.

"Let her be Michaela." He said. She looked up at him with tears glistening in her eyes.

"Do you think she's right?" He shook his head.

"She's upset. Colleen will calm down eventually." Michaela nodded and glanced up the stairs.

* * *

Colleen was laying on her bed crying. She loved Andrew and couldn't wait until they were married, but she loved her Ma and wanted her to be proud of her. Colleen heard a knock on her door.

"Come in." She said resting against the headboard. Sully walked into the room.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Pa, I'd prefer not to talk about it." Sully sat on the end of the bed.

"Colleen, I know how you feel." She looked at him.

"How?"

"When I wanted to marry Abigail, Maude and Loren didn't want her to marry me. Loren didn't care for me where your Ma just wants you to finish school first." Colleen turned to him.

"I can't go to school. I'm just not smart enough Pa."

"You aren't smart enough or you don't want to leave Andrew?" Sully pushed and Colleen stood up.

"I'm marrying Andrew whether Ma likes it or not. I'm grown, I can do that."

"You wouldn't break your Ma's heart."

"She won't listen to me!" Colleen crossed her arms and turned away from him.

"I meant your real Ma." She turned to look at him.

"That's cruel Pa."

"It's not supposed to be. Your Ma wanted the best for all of you. She was excited to think you wanted to be a doctor like Michaela." Colleen cried.

"If I leave Colorado Springs to go to medical school I'll lose Andrew." She paused. "I'll get my medical degree, but not right now."

"If you don't go now, you'll never go back." Sully reasoned and Colleen frowned.

"I'll make it back Pa." Colleen fought.

"Just think about it for your Ma will you? She's afraid you won't go for your dreams if you get married."

"I'm still me Sully! I still want to be a doctor, Andrew won't hinder that. He supports me in going to school." She exclaimed.

"I know he does. But you don't have to be married to support each other. I'm not against Andrew courting ya, or the idea of marriage. But it needs to be in two years once you're out of school."

"You don't really want us together, do you?" Colleen stared into his eyes and he said. "I knew it." She walked down the stairs and out the front door.

"Colleen!" Michaela called after her. Sully walked down the stairs. "What happened?" He didn't respond.

* * *

Colleen sat in the church yard. She was in front of her mother's headstone and let the tears fall down her cheeks as she spoke.

"Ma" she started with a quivering lip, "I miss you, especially now." Colleen pulled her shawl around her. "I love Ma and Sully but they don't like Andrew. I wonder what you'd think. What would you tell me about medical school and marriage?"

"The same thing Ma already said." She turned around to find Matthew standing there.

"I'm sure you feel the same way as Ma and Pa?"

"What are you talking about?" She walked out of the grave yard and he put his hands on her shoulders.

"Ma and Pa don't think Andrew and I should be getting married."

"Well," Matthew took off his hat. "You're so young Colleen. You'll have time in your life to be married. You want to be a doctor. You can do that first."

"Matthew, Andrew doesn't want to wait. He wants a wife who can be there for you and support your decisions then he isn't the person for you Colleen." She sighed.

"But he is the person for me. I don't want to go to medical school and lose him forever." Colleen walked away from Matthew. She hated the idea that she was going against her family, but she wanted to be happy, and knew she could be with Andrew. With one more sharp sigh, she headed towards the Chateau to find Andrew. She didn't want another minute to go by without talking to him and telling him she would love to be his wife for the rest of her life.


	2. Chapter 2

Colleen walked right into Andrew's clinic that afternoon to see him looking in a medical textbook. She stood there for a moment not wanting to interrupt him. She always loved how passionate he was about his work and the people he cared for. After a few minutes, he looked up and saw her standing there.

"Oh Colleen, it's wonderful to see you." Andrew smiled. Then he walked over to her and kissed her. She smiled.

"I have something I want to tell you." He tilted his head.

"Is something wrong?" Colleen shook her head happily.

"Oh no, there's nothing wrong. It's good news. I promise."

"Alright." He stood in the middle of the clinic holding the book in his hand, but he couldn't take his eyes off of the love of his life.

"I've been doing some thinking and I want to get married as soon as possible."

"Are you sure?" Andrew asked. Colleen nodded.

"Of course." She smiled. "I finished my last year in Denver, and I'll be home all the time. There is no better time for us to get married." Andrew hugged her and then stood back to look at her. He took her hands in his.

"What about your Ma?" Colleen shook her head.

"It's alright; we don't have to worry about her. She'll be happy for us, eventually. She thinks that we're getting married too early, but that's because she and Pa waited so long. I'm out of school and I'll be in Colorado Springs. I can stay and help you in your clinic and be there for Ma." She paused. "But the point is Andrew, I want to marry you. You asked me and I said yes; and I want to be married as soon as possible."

"I just don't know if we should if your Ma doesn't agree." Andrew stated. One thing Colleen loved about him was how considerate he was of other people, but it was times like this that it conflicted with their true feelings for one another.

"Andrew, she'll get used to the idea. We just have to agree to get married."

"I don't know if I can do that." Andrew replied. "I love you Colleen, and I'll love you even more so when your Ma is ready to give you up."

"I'm not a child anymore Andrew. Ma doesn't have to dictate my decisions anymore."

"Colleen."

"Andrew." She stated and looked at him. Then she walked towards the door.

"Don't go." Colleen turned around and looked at him. "It's not that I don't want to marry you, but I know you'll want your family to be there and I don't want to get married without them. My father won't come in from Boston and so we'll want your family to be there."

"If you are expecting me to choose my family over you, it'll never happen. I love you, but I don't know if I can wait for you to decide what you want." Colleen walked out of the clinic. She had been anticipating the conversation with Andrew to set a wedding date. Unfortunately she never realized he wouldn't want to marry her.

* * *

Matthew looked up from the desk in the sheriff's office in time to see Andrew walk in.

"Andrew?" Matthew asked and stood up. Andrew nodded and took off his hat. "Are you okay?"

"I'm here to talk about Colleen. Have you seen her recently?" Matthew shook his head.

"I haven't seen her in a few days. Last time I talked to her was in the church cemetery." Andrew gave him a strange look. "Colleen was trying to find some answers that were different than what Ma and Pa said. She wonders what Ma would think."

"Colleen mentioned that when I first asked her to marry me." Matthew nodded.

"Ma and Pa are just worried that she's not going to go to medical school."

"I don't want her to give up medical school Matthew. I'd follow her to Pennsylvania, or I could wait for her until she got home."

"That's what she's afraid of. She thinks she'll lose you if she goes to medical school." Andrew shook his head.

"That won't happen. I love your sister and no amount of time will change that."

"Did you tell her that?" Matthew asked and Andrew shook his head no.

"She didn't give me the chance. When I didn't tell her right away that I wanted to marry her just as soon as she wanted to marry me, she took it that I didn't want to marry her and she left the clinic. When I went to look for her I couldn't find her." Matthew nodded.

"Colleen's that way sometimes. She'll come around Andrew. I know my sister."

"I hope so. I thought I knew her too."

* * *

Michaela waited for as long as she could stand it standing downstairs after Colleen ran past her. She'd been upstairs alone for about half an hour when she rushed up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Colleen said through the door. Michaela cracked the door.

"Please let me in." Michaela said. "I want to talk to you.

"Alright." Michaela walked in and sat on the bed. Colleen was lying across the bed. "You got what you wanted." She said without looking at her mother.

"What do you mean?" Michaela asked. She touched Colleen's back.

"Andrew doesn't want to marry me because you don't want us to."

"I never said that." Michaela rebutted. Colleen sat up and looked at her.

"Of course you did! You didn't want me to get married because you wanted to control me just like grandma tried to control you." Michaela shook her head.

"I want you to be happy Colleen, but I think if you waited until after medical school you'd be happier. You could practice medicine with Andrew and you could work together." Colleen turned to her.

"I could work in the clinic with him now." She exclaimed angrily. Michaela rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry that you feel that I've hurt you in some way, but I think you'll both appreciate it in the long run." Colleen looked at her.

"Ma, you have made me lose my chance with Andrew. It won't happen again. If I find somebody else that I could feel as strongly for as I did Andrew, I'm not going to wait. You may not even know about it. For years you've said that you did everything for us, but now, I see that you've just done it for yourself." She stood up and stormed out of the room.

"Colleen."


	3. Chapter 3

Colleen unhitched a horse from the barn and headed towards town. She felt the cool air would do her some good because she wasn't sure where to go or what to do. The last thing she wanted was another confrontation with her mother and when she talked to Andrew he agreed. She wanted to become a doctor more than anything, but she loved Andrew and wanted to get married. Couldn't she do both? It didn't seem to be that difficult in Colleen's mind. She'd planned how her life would go so many times. Everything would work out.

When she got to town, she walked over to the Gazette. She decided that one of the best people she could talk to was Dorothy. As her ma's best friend, she would be able to talk to Colleen and give her some insight. Her children were all grown and she could even talk to Michaela about letting Colleen get married before going to school.

"It seems like the entire town is against us," Colleen stated.

Dorothy looked at her and gestured for her to sit down. "Colleen, you have lived in this town your whole life. I'm sure many people like me and Loren will look at you and always remember that little girl with the bouncing braids. Your ma knows that you are grown, but she also sees you as the girl she first met. It's hard to look past that sometimes Colleen. I have that with my own girls sometimes. Ever since you met Michaela you've wanted to be a doctor and she could feel that now you're giving that up for a man. Marriage can be wonderful and your ma would be the first to admit that, but she doesn't want you to give up on your dream."

"But I'm not giving it up. I'd marry Andrew and stay around Colorado Springs for a year or so and then we'd be able to go to Philadelphia so I could go to school."

"That's it right there, you are going to put off going to school. It's not the gettin' married that bothers your Ma, Colleen. It's the fact that you don't want to go to school. What are two years really? If you and Andrew love each other now it'll be even stronger then."

"A lot could happen in two years! What if I came home and Andrew had met and married somebody else?"

"If Andrew loves you as much as he says, that wouldn't happen. You'll be together." She paused. "I know more about not being able to be with the person you love than you might think. I love Cloud Dancing, but we can't be together because he's Cheyenne and can't be in town all the time. The reservation is so far away that we can't be together..."

"But you do get to see each other," Colleen stated. "If I went to school I wouldn't be able to see him for two years. I won't have too many chances to come home. I don't want to have to split what little time I will have with my family and Andrew and the town. You and Grace and everybody. I just want to get married and we can come home and see everybody."

"It's your choice Colleen," she touched her hand, "I just thought you might see things differently from Michaela's perspective." Colleen nodded and thanked Dorothy before walking back to the horse. She rode through the woods until after dark. When she got back to the homestead she went up the stairs and quietly walked past her ma and pa's room to get a bag. The people in town agreed with her ma and she thought her friends at school may have something different to say about it. Andrew had been to see her before and they knew what he was like. She thought they might agree with her to run off and get married. If her family didn't support her, she'd just have to get married without them.

* * *

"Brian," Colleen whispered as she stood in his doorway. "Brian." Finally he turned in the bed and looked at her.

"Colleen? What's going on? You were gone, Ma and Sully've been worried about you."

"Will you ride Taffy to the train station? I need to go but don't want to leave a horse behind."

"Why do you need to go to the train station? Why don't you ask Ma or Pa to take you?"

"Please Brian? It has to be you."

"Alright," Brian got out of the bed and put on a pair of pants under his nightshirt and they walked outside. "Can you tell me where you're going? Why do you need the train so late at night?"

"I can't tell you Brian. Just please take me and don't tell Ma or Pa. I'll be back."

"I can't do that," Brian protested.

"You gotta do this for me." He continued to pepper her with questions as they got Taffy out of the barn, but Brian was quiet as they rode away from the homestead. When they got there he gave her a pleading look. "I have to go Brian." She touched his cheek gently with her hand. "I love you. You'll always be my little brother." Colleen got down off Taffy's back and headed into the station.


End file.
